


The Dollmaker

by LilacsandFreedom



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Amaurot (Final Fantasy XIV), Angst, Character Study, Gen, Other, POV First Person, i never know how to tag these, just something a little different, less stream of consciousness, similar to my last experimental character study thing I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:16:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28619409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacsandFreedom/pseuds/LilacsandFreedom
Summary: In the agony of creation, Emet-Selch reflects.
Relationships: Azem/Emet-Selch (Final Fantasy XIV)
Kudos: 13





	The Dollmaker

Do you remember my vows to you? How stolid I was in the garden, my Soul cloistered within my heart like a pearl in an oyster’s shell; for even then, I was too proud to show myself. Yet, as the creatures of the depths shine in darkness, so did I. There I did reveal myself to you and speak. And thus the full extent of my Soul was shown and given to you in that sacred darkness. Oh, my dear, how long have I loved you, how much I wanted to hide this, for I admit my pride in full. My stubborn heart turns worry into frustration, tenderness into sarcasm.

“And yet,” you said, “You remain sentimental as ever.”

Only then (and only to you) did I admit you were right.

How you laughed as I opened myself to you-- not from malice, but simply because they were things you knew already. “You are not as hard to read as you think you are,” you said, “And I have known you so long that your Soul is a favored book to me; all the foxing of the pages and notes scrawled in the corners included.”

“But, you know,” you said, “It’s so much nicer to hear you say this all out loud.”

I only ever did for you.

Since those days, I have become a craftsman. I’ve worn a thousand faces, ten thousand names. I’ve built nations, kingdoms, and faiths, and painted the faces of people for my own designs. I have built all these and torn them down, dissatisfied, for none have reached the glory we once had. None can compare to all we’d built and all we were together.

And so here I toil in the depths of darkness, to build our world as it remains in my mind. How tall the buildings, how lovely the light that shines down upon them. From my hands they return to us-- a smaller scale, but wondrous in its way. I have crafted the parks and fountains, the libraries and schools, all the places we walked and talked and lived our little lives. But, the streets seem so sorrowful with no one there…

Friendly shades are all I can manage, for the years have worn the names and faces from me (though the voices remain clear as ever). They walk and talk and live their little lives in blissful ignorance-- save for Hythlodaeus perhaps. If I chanced to place our dear friend’s image in this city, he would see through all of it and ask his craftsman many nagging questions, as was his wont in life. 

I suspect that you would do the same, but for all my efforts, I have been unable to bring even a shadow of you into existence. For all my efforts, I cannot recreate your face. My hands shake, my vision blurs, the lines are sloppy, the sculpt misshapen. The one who was closest to me is ever so far. The irony is not lost.

Still, what is left for me to do but try? I am only a humble craftsman, my pride spent in all these tiring years. The city gleams like a jewel and my heart is torn between joy and sorrow. The shades recognize me and smile. I tinker with the lights, the flowers, the little things that keep my fingers busy while they twitch and ache and prick themselves on thorns I’ve long forgotten; the shades of all those we knew and loved and the places we lived and walked and all those things that even now burrow into my heart like briar grows up broken walls.

The work is endless and painful and pleasing. 

I should hope you like it when you see it.

**Author's Note:**

> The original summary I thought of for this was "Could a depressed person make *this?*", but I figured it didn't quite match the tone I was going for. I like doing little character studies like this, it's fun!
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it c:


End file.
